Why ‘You Before Me’ Is the Best Marriage Advice Out There


When you think of the cost of marriage, what comes to mind?

By Debra Fileta

Did you ever think someone could show you love through a bologna sandwich?

I didnt think so either.

Until I found out that my then-boyfriend, now-husband (a poor, broke medical school student at the time) spent close to two months eating bologna sandwiches every day, in order to cut down his grocery budget to $10/week just so he could save up enough money to buy me an engagement ring.

The truth is marriage will cost you.

When you think of the cost of marriage, what comes to mind?

According to recent statistics, the average couple today spends $26,444 on a wedding. Thats a lot of money, but its nothing compared to the REAL cost of marriage. Because like it or not, marriage will cost you MORE. It will cost you something great. It will cost you a price much larger than the money you spend on a ring or a wedding or a honeymoon it will cost you yourself.

I heard a married man on TV say (regarding whether or not he was going to stay in his own marriage), I shouldnt be with someone if Im not happy and it made my stomach turn.

What an accurate reflection of the self-centered society we live in, everyone believing that their main goal in life is THEIR OWN personal happiness. What a small and shallow way to live.

If youre getting married with that as your main goal, to make yourself happy, you will be disappointed in a severe way.

Marriage is not about your happiness, its not even about you. Its about LOVEwhich is something we choose to give time and time again. Its about sacrifice, serving, giving, forgiving, and then doing it all over again.

No wonder we choose divorce over commitment because most of the time, were choosing personal happiness over real commitment over real love.

They say marriage teaches you more about selflessness than you ever wanted to know. I have definitely found that phrase to be true in my relationship with my husband. Because at the heart of it, real love is all about sacrifice. About the giving of yourself, in ways big and small.

Its about offering forgiveness when youve been hurt.

Its about giving your time though its not always convenient.

Its about sharing your heart when youd rather hold back.

Its about cleaning the kitchen after a long weekend, even if its your least favorite job.

Its about choosing to respond with love whenyoud rather respond in anger.

Its about offering a listening ear when youd rather tune out or go to bed.

Its about putting someone elses needs and desires before your own.

Its about giving up that last bite of cake, just so your spouse can enjoy it.

Its about laying down your rights to make way for the rights of another.

The list could go on and on, but it always ends with the same formula:

YOU before ME.

And WE before I.

We live in a world that DESPISES the sacrificial side of marriage and tries to wish it away. They teach to strive for power, control and the upper hand in a relationship. They tell us to do what feels right, and not to tolerate anything less. They fool us into thinking that love is about doing what makes us happy. And the second we feel less than happy, they encourage us to bail to abandon ship and to stop investing.

But theyve got it all wrong.

Because the more we give, the better we become. Real love is not self-seeking and it will ALWAYScost you. More, and more, and more. It will cost your heart, your time and your money. It will cost your comfort, your rights and your pride. It will cost you to lay down your life for the life of another. And only those who learn to die to themselvesare the ones who get to experience the resurrection power that comes with it.

Resurrection into real love, into real life and into meaningful relationships.

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