Trump’s reality TV cabinet: our picks, from Bear Grylls to Kris Jenner

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If Trump got where he is thanks to The Apprentice, what other reality stars could fill out the cabinet? Someone call Dr Oz and John Cena

At a lunch panel hosted by the Hollywood Radio & Television Society on Tuesday, NBCs president for late night and alternative (read: reality) programming, Paul Telegdy, took credit for much of Donald Trumps political success. Deadline reports that when he was asked if Trump would be doing so well in the Republican primaries without his 14 seasons on The Apprentice, Telegdy replied: You know the answer of course not.

He added that Trumps persona while trolling for votes across the country has been in lockstep with his persona on the show I dont think where Donald is now in the campaign is any surprise to anyone that worked closely with him.

He has a point. Trump has gotten to be the presumptive Republican presidential nominee by being good on TV and giving the voting public what they want. There is no better place to learn those skills than in front of a camera on a reality show creating drama and correcting how the public perceives you. If we take this to its logical conclusion, reality stars could fill up the entire cabinet. Its not a bad idea. Here is our modest proposal.

Chief of staff: Mark Burnett

Mark
Mark Burnett: the organizer. Photograph: Lucy Nicholson/Reuters

For chief of staff, Trump would have to choose reality uber-producer Mark Burnett, who created the The Apprentice, Survivor, The Voice, and plenty of other shows. He knows how to run a huge organization with lots of moving parts and how to delegate responsibility to people who know how to get things done. Hell have the West Wing running super smoothly. He is also a conservative Catholic and the producer of the miniseries The Bible, so that will play well with the Christians in the party.

Secretary of state: Phil Keoghan

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The Amazing Race host Phil Keoghan. Photograph: CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images

Phil Keoghan would have to be secretary of state, because after hosting The Amazing Race, he knows all about the most far-flung countries of the world. Hes from New Zealand and not even Putin can hate the Kiwis, right?

Secretary of commerce: Kris Jenner

Secretary
Secretary of commerce: Kris Jenner. Photograph: Venturelli/WireImage

Our first choice for secretary of the treasury is Mark Cuban, who not only built a fortune of his own but has also been helping people guide their own fortunes on Shark Tank. He could work closely with Kris Jenner, the next secretary of commerce. She created a billion-dollar empire from a sex tape and her own force of will. Just think about all the jobs she could create for the selfie-stick toting American people.

Secretary of defense: John Cena

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Secretary of defense: John Cena. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Secretary of defense is a tricky one. You want a veteran like Jeff Probst, who has been at the helm of Survivor since time immemorial. But I actually think John Cena would be a better choice. Hes only hosted American Grit, Foxs military-centric reality show, for one season, but he would be so much better in recruitment videos. I would split the duties of attorney general between Real Housewife of Atlanta Phaedra Parks, who never misses an opportunity to remind people that she is a lawyer, and Marcia Clark, the center of the worlds greatest reality spectacle: the OJ Simpson trial.

Secretary of the interior: Bear Grylls

Bear
Bear Grylls: secretary of the interior. Photograph: Mark Johnson/ITV / betty

Bear Grylls is obviously secretary of the interior, and Dr Oz is obviously the secretary of health and human services. But wait, maybe we should give that job to Dr Phil and have Dr Oz be the surgeon general? Whatever. They can play a game of rock, paper, scissors and the winner gets to pick which position he likes more.

As for agriculture secretary: Top Chefs Tom Colicchio sure knows a few things about food. But, based on what the average Trump voter is like, Guy Fieri, the host of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, is probably a more reasonable choice. There are so many choices for secretary of housing and urban development on HGTV alone that there should probably be a separate HGTV competition show to determine which one is the most qualified. (Probably the Property Brothers, right?)

Think of it: there are plenty of benefits to doing things this way, right? You get qualified people tested in front of the cameras in some of the top positions in the country. Also, youre never going to forget that Bear Grylls is the secretary of the interior. Who is the secretary of the interior now? Who knows? Wikipedia says its a nice lady named Sally Jewell, the former CEO of REI. She cant be any more qualified than Bear, who had Jewells boss, Barack Obama, on Running Wild and once drank his own urine to survive.

This might actually make people care about what is going on with their government, just as Trump has gotten so many to attend his rallies and come out to vote for him, despite his having no policies that make sense and more flip-flops than a Hollister outlet sale.

And finally

UK ambassador: Mary Berry

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Mary Berry: UK ambassador. Photograph: Craig Harman/BBC/Shine TV/Craig Harman

While were at it, the reality rule doesnt have to just apply to the cabinet and chief of staff. Lets make Mary Berry, judge of The Great British Bake Off (or, as its known in the States, The Great British Baking Show), the US ambassador to the UK. Who cares if shes a Brit already? This is the kind of outside-the-box thinking and crushing of the old establishment that makes people love Donald Trump. If we want a reality star to be our commander-in-chief, then lets really give this whole reality thing a go. After all, do we want Paula Abdul to be another taker living off of unemployment checks or do we want her as secretary of energy? I think you already know the answer.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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