Songs Even Dumber Than The Fringe Groups Performing Them

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Music has always been a valuable tool for making an important statement to a wide audience. Why, it was folksy protest music (and folksy protest music alone!) that stopped the Vietnam War … at least according to folksy protest musicians. But when you’re writing music with a message, the music is only as valuable as that message. And if that message is “I’m having Batboy’s moon-baby” levels of crazy? Well, you might find them on this here list…

#8. Anti-GMO Music Is A Discography Of Awkward ’70s and ’80s Song Covers

Here’s an anti-GMO cover of the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A.” starring everybody’s dad:

When he’s not busy creeping out the office intern with quips about what he’d do if he were “20 years younger,” Dana Lyons must spend his spare time studying bioengineering, as evidenced by his lyrics:

Flounder
In the tomato
A little human
In the rice that we sow
Mouse genes
Really make a pig grow
And we’ll make tons of money

Scary shit, no doubt. His alarming predictions lose some of their weight, however, when you realize that said “flounder” is actually a gene that increases resistance to frost, while the “human” is an enzyme found in breast milk that fights bacteria. Sadly, the mouse-pig thing is an attempt to lower the toxicity of pig poop, making it considerably less adorable than it sounds.

If you thought Lyons’ dancing was squirm-inducing, we have three words for you: Pantsless grape costume.

Here’s three more: No, no, no.

And once he starts getting overly suggestive with the carrots …

… you’ll find that, much as if you’d eaten one of those GMO Piranhapples Lyons tried to warn you about, you have become suddenly and ferociously infertile. There’s also “Don’t Eat It” by Swami G, a tone-deaf cover of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” featuring an alternate-reality MJ dunked in a vat of lard and sapped of all perceivable talent:

It doesn’t take long for shit to get real, as hippies and Evil Suits reenact the one-armed knife fight from the original music video. With corn!

We have a different suggestion for where they can stick those.

It doesn’t seem too dangerous until you remember that this is GMO corn, so a single nick would doubtlessly cause you to grow corn-silk tentacles. Meanwhile, a scientist whose hairstyle makes us think he’s maybe not an actual scientist injects some nearby vegetables with his nefarious GMO juice:

“I’VE SET THE SCIENCING TO FULL EVIL! PREPARING MAXIMUM DOSE OF MURDERTRONS FOR INJECTION!”

Our heroes proceed to snack on the tainted food, which kills them and resurrects them as twitching zombies, thereby establishing that GMO-hating hippies have precisely zero respect for the King of Pop’s catalog.

“You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a bad video.”

#7. Furries Doing Pop Covers

The “Larger Than Life” music video from Eurofurence 2014 (no, we didn’t make that up) kicks off with a singing, dancing dog-man’s minimally convincing jaw mechanism flapping along to the verses as his eyes follow you wherever you go. Wherever. You go.

Even into your dreams. Tonight.

Then, boom! Stripper pole leopard-lady!

Wait, this might actually just be a Miley Cyrus GIF.

If that doesn’t float your boat, maybe this furrified version of “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”, inevitably titled “All The Single Furries”:

Three dogs re-create the famous Beyonce video, wearing S&M neck collars and hopelessly furring up the lyrics with stuff like, “If you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it.”

We’d rather not see their Lemonade.

Of course, not everyone digs Top 40 standards. For those whose tastes lean more toward Viking Death Metal, there’s this Amon Amarth cover:

Finally, you can merge your twin loves of hardcore metal with hardcore dry-humping a person in a rabbit costume.

The lightning is actually static buildup from yiffing.

#6. The Anti-Chemtrails Ballads

Got ten minutes to kill? Well, that time could suffer no crueler death than if you burned it listening to this lady sing about chemtrails:

But they need every one of those minutes, because Violet Sky has a message to get out, by God, and that message is, uh … we’re not sure? Maybe that airplanes are crop-dusting us all with mind-control juice …

“Right there! See? You know, the thing that literally thousands of people see every day?”

Or perhaps the message is “the sky’s not all that.”

Then there’s “Chemtrail Cowboy” …

Wherein a reanimated skeleton sings a cheery country song about his day job: Thinning the population by spraying government poison on us.

Hey, Zelda enemies gotta make a living somehow.

#5. 9/11 Truth You Can Dance To

YouTuber and overall general lunatic ScootleRoyale wishes to inform you that “9/11 Was An Inside Job” the best way he knows how: Via a bouncy electro ditty juxtaposed with images of the twin towers collapsing and people horrifically dying:

What good is a tragedy if you can’t dance to it?

We have no joke here, other than the fact that this was made.

Then there’s “9/11’s A Lie” by the Free Bees, a surprisingly competent cover of the Bee Gees’ disco classic “Stayin’ Alive”:

Despite what it says in the description, please do not share this “like STD.”

In this reimagined version, the Bee Gees don’t prowl the New York City disco scene on the hunt for strange with feathered hair and a thing for gold chains, but instead stalk a blasted hellscape, searching for the truth about 9/11, but only finding soul.

Plus the feathered hair.

Read more: www.cracked.com

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