The Philippines’ presidential frontrunner, who’s been called the’ Trump of the East ,’ enjoys death squads, building sunlight of gang rape, and cracking Prima Nocta jokes at weddings. “>
Its been a couple of weeks since weve been treated to a healthy dose of John Olivers razor-sharp witticism cutting through the cacophony. And by deity, hes been missed.
Donald Trump, the real estate heir, Celebrity Apprentice host, and bona fide misogynist, has emerged as the Republican presidential nominee, in accordance with the abrupt exits of opponents Ted Cruz and John Kasichand the even more abrupt exit of Cruzs VP pick, Carly Fiorina.
Obviously, the big news here in the U.S. is that Donald Trump is now the presumptive Republican nominee for president, Oliver said on Last Week Tonight . Thats right, this sentient circus peanut now holds the future of a major political party in his tiny, raccoon paw-sized handswhich is candidly a little surprising because the Internet repeatedly tells me I had destroyed and eviscerated him. Why would they say that if it wasnt true?
For those believing the U.S. has become the laughingstock of the world, however, Oliver offered an olive branch: Rodrigo Duterte. Yes, the present mayor of Davao City and frontrunner for president of the Philippinestheir election takes place Mondayis perhaps the only person on the political stage even more outspoken than Trump and, according to Oliver, is a colorful character, to say the least.
At a mass bridal recently, Dutertetaking a page out of Braveheart offered himself up to the brides as a bridal gift, announcing from the stage, I dont have money to give, but I could give your wives something elseand “its all for” the wives merely. Men, Im sorry but you dont get anything because Im not a queer.
Duterte routinely kisses his female supporters, once called the pope a son of a bitch, all of which has earned him a reputation of the Trump of the Easta title previously held by a burnt wonton contained within scarecrow pubes, Oliver quipped, adding, Duterte has also suggested, if elected, he would kill five felons every weekwhich may not be an idle promise as since hes been there, extrajudicial death squads have allegedly been killed over a thousand people. And while he denies any involvement in that, he does acknowledge “hes having” blood on his hands.
Oliver then hurled to a news clip of Duterte admitting in a nationally broadcasted interview that he had killed people in the past. Yes, of course. I must admit I have killed, he told the interviewer. Three months early on I killed aboutthree people.
Im sorry about three people? Thats not good! exclaimed Oliver. Not knowing how many people youve killed is like not knowing how many Vicodin you took: If you dont know the exact number, the answer is way too fucking many .
The 71 -year-old ex-lawyer, who in addition to Trump of the East has received the nicknames The Philippine Punisher and Duterte Harry, said last month on the campaign trail that he should have been the first in line to gang-rape Jacqueline Hamill, an Australian missionary who was gang-raped and murdered in his city, Davao.
Hamill, 36, was gang-raped and killed by inmates during a prison break in Davao back in 1989. She was ministering to the inmates at the time.
I looked at her faceson of a bitchwhat a waste. What came to intellect was, they raped her, they lined up, said Duterte. I was angry because she was raped, thats one thingbut she was so beautiful, the mayor should have been first. What a waste.
Australias ambassador in Manila, Amanda Gorely, was revolted by Dutertes statement 😛 TAGEND
Oliver was, too. What a fucking asshole, he said. And if any part of you is guessing, Was that some kind of horrific joke? please know he meant every term of it.
The HBO host then cut to a Tv interview with Duterte telling of the gang-rape line, It was not a joke. I said it in a narrative. I was not smiling, I was just talking plain sense.
OK, let this be a lesson to all of us: When we say I just want a politician who will tell me what he actually guesses , we should specify that that politician should not be a total fucking ogre, said Oliver.
And yet, unbelievably, this man is resulting in the polls by 11 phases, so hes probably going to get elected president tomorrowwhich isnt just scaring for the Philippines, because it means that in just a years time, we could be treated to thisa picture of Duterte shaking Trumps hand in the Oval Officeas an official country visit.
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