I Catfished A Guy—Now What? Ask A Pro


Dear Head Pro,

I’ve spoken briefly in person to this chill guy at uni a few times. So, curious and sly, I used a fake profile to find (stalk) his Facebook. I couldn’t find him, but found his sister, (who I don’t know), and asked if he was single. She said ya, and said he’d be thrilled if I contacted him. Only prob, his sister told him that I asked about him (snitch), so he messaged my fake profile his #, and said he doesn’t go on fb often, but text if I want to hang out or get dinner. I think this bro is chill and someone I’d like to know, but I screwed myself with the fake profile. Should I explain myself in person, text him, or move to Mexico?

I’m definitely glad to see that young people are still using Facebook for its intended purpose, and it’s not yet 100% moms with GEDs and bad political memes. I also like how cavalier this bro is about giving people his number on Facebook. Back in my day, if a random hot chick messaged you, the smart money was on that profile belonging to a hirsute man who wanted to make soup out of your toenail clippings.

I don’t see a reason to move to Mexico (you’d have to help pay for the wall!). Your clumsy sleuthing did its job in that you now know he’s single and (apparently) desperate. Now make like a normal person (if that’s even possible, ye of fake Facebook fame) and find another excuse to talk to him. Ask to borrow a pen, or something. That was always my go-to in college.

Dear Head Pro,

I haven’t found myself needing advice on guys in a really long time, however now that I am out of a 4-year relationship and have done my grieving, I am ready to get back out there. This brings me to this guy that I have been flirting with since December. I guess it would also be good to point out that we work together as well and have been friendly (completely platonic) towards each other before December.

Well anyway fast forward to this past weekend. He had plans with one of his friends from school (who also works with us) but they didn’t work out so they got drinks and since I live downtown, he invited me to join them (he also invited 2 other male coworkers to join us). Well, nothing new, after a drink or 2 his hand finds my knee and so begins the flirting for the night. After the night was over, he walked me back to my apartment and we decided to sneak onto the roof of my flat apartments. That’s when we started making out and he took things further by him going down on me for a straight hour. We never had sex and before I could return any favors, he said it was time for him to go home. I find it strange that a man would leave without getting anything in return. I almost have a feeling that he may have feelings for me, but in normal day to day activities I can barely read him. So I guess what I am needing advice on is what could this man possibly be wanting from me.. sex or does he have an actual interest in dating me? I’m not delusional, but I’m having a hard time reading the situation and need some help.

Dazed and Confused

I don’t know why girls find it so “strange” when guys are generous with the tongue baths without reciprocation. Like, some guys really do enjoy doing that, you know. And in his case, maybe he didn’t want to fuck on your roof. Maybe it was chilly and he was afraid of shrinkage! I think also, since he was on a rooftop and left so abruptly, that we can’t rule out the possibility that your coworker is a superhero who isolated the sound of a crime being committed from the din of the inner city. Not that I would have any experience with that kind of thing (or would I?).

This sounds like a pretty boilerplate office fling/romance situation, as in this is how all of them start (minus the specifics of the al fresco rug munching). He’s simply not going to be flirty in the office, as it would be inappropriate. He might also be hesitant to take you out on a legit date, because again, coworkers. But clearly the tension is building and lines have been crossed, and it will continue to build and lines will continue to be crossed because you clearly like each other.

Eventually you’ll become… something. These things usually end up being medium-length flings and not much more, because the novelty wears off and you learn you might not have all that much in common, while the annoying reality of sneaking around with a coworker never goes away. Of course, it could also blossom into moreyou don’t really know this person, so who knows? While somewhat understandable, it’s also frankly a little weird that you’re so hung up on predicting the future. I mean, you just spent an hour getting eaten out in publicare you REALLY that concerned with his intentions?

Fooling around with a coworker is a dumb idea, but also fun, so just do what you want because no one listens to me anyway.

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