I Ate An Entirely Weed-Infused Meal And Heres What Happened

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Youre going to want to get those today, if you really want them,* Jane tells me.

We sell out of most of our edibles pretty quickly, but those in particular have been going really fast.

Jane is a bud-tender at Hollywood High Grade, a medical marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles. Im being indecisive on an edibles purchase.

To my credit, she was referring to a 4-pack of peanut butter cookies infused with 25 mg THC in each one. But the choices were seemingly limitless: Cookies, crackers, cereal, chocolate bars.

Ill go with the brownie bites, I say.

Most of us have a curious relationship with edibles. Some cannabis fanatics prefer almost exclusively to eat their bud. For others, any munching links with weed commonly follows a hearty smoking sesh.

Where baking and cooking soothe the nerves and offer a sense of tranquility, the routine methodical preparation involved in smoking cannabisgrinding up the flower, rolling a joint, loading a dab, torching the nail, packing a bowlis a seemingly therapeutic part of the process.

Delicious and divisive, for some purists, medicating with food that would otherwise be classified as junk, if not for the presence of THC, is just too much of a stretch.

It is possible to fabricate edible different forms of THC and CBD to aid in various therapies without any psychoactive effects.

To a lesser degree: one couldcertainly craft healthy dishes infused with cannabis. However, by-and-large, medicated Chex Mix, Weetos,( maintain scrolling) or just good old fashioned weed brownies are far more likely to be sold at a dispensary than a fresh kale salad, served with hash-oil vinaigrette.

One cause for edibles aversion is an incompatibility in potency among the myriad different forms of chewable cannabis on the market. In Vancouver, British Columbia, thesale of them has been bannedentirely.

And earlier this year, after feeing too many edibles, an Ohio man phoned the police dreading for their own lives. That is some intense internal conflict to face after snack time.

Bob Eschino, of Denver-based edible brand Incredibles, told NBC News, his concentrates regularly test at about 99 percentage THC. Traditional flower comes in somewhere between 15 and 20 percent.

This leaves interpreting for expected outcomes. The customer can foresee anything between a Snoop-Dogg-state-of-mind and losing their sanity and clothes in publiclike that dude who put under the KONY2 012 videos. Heavy dice to roll.

Like all aspects of the quickly-becoming-legal cannabis industry, this uncertainty is expected to clear up as innovations enter the infused foods sector.

As lab-testing of cannabis products becomes the norm, mass-produced edibles , no matter how unhealthy, will come with labeling indicating just how high youll getif youll get high at all.

Dixie Elixirs, a Colorado-based organisation, develops THC-infused productsthat establish standardized and repeatable results. This approach likens cannabis consumption to coffee or spicy foods: Measured amounts of caffeine and capsaicin deliver predictable effects each and every time.

Its much more aligned with any medicinal process than say baking Rice Krispies treats with cannabis butter in high school with your friends. Which, dont get us wrong, is awesome .

I digress.

The inconsistency and unreliability in potency and abundance of sugar has me concluding that edibles just arent for me, for now.

Which is why naturally, like any inquisitive journalist on the weed beat, I decided to eat a meal composed entirely of cannabis-infused food.

To shop for such a feast, I visited a localdispensary and picked up edibles offering a medicated twisting. What I saw was plentiful, branded with cleverly worded weed puns, and likely to give me the ability to feel colors.


7: 30 PM: Snacks

Im a snacker. At family collects, as I inhale hors doeuvre, Im reminded by my relatives that, as small children, catching me without a bag of Goldfish or pretzels in hand was a rare sighting.

Always having something savory on deck has carried over into early adulthood. I didnt want to dig into any of the main event while I was cooking; so I knew I would need something to nibble on in the meantime. Enter: Flaming Hot Weetos.

These guys savor just like traditional Flamin Hot Cheetos, but with a hint of weed; delicious in the way that merely something so terrible for you can be. The bag even resembles the Frito-Lay rendered original, with the exception of a green( and presumably stoned AF) version of Chester the Cheetah belching flames.

Classy. A serving of eight Weetos delivers 150 mg of THC, with three servings per pocket. I put down about 10 Weetos as I prepared the rest of the meal.

Stoned Level : Could reasonably write and deliver a speech on behalf of the members of the D.A.R.E. program.


8: 15 PM: Appetizer

At this point, the only noticeable sensation I experienced was a tingling tongue. To appease the flames, I knocked back a 16 oz. bottle of Venice Cookie Cos Cannabis Quenchera fruit punch that contains 72 mg of THC.

Unfortunately, the stuff savours much like Kool Aid made from bong water and NyQuil. Cant say I was much of a fan of the flavor, but at that point, I knew I had traversed over a cannabis-infused threshold and became fully invested in this article.

Now, Im a connoisseur of chicken wings: Never have I gratified one that I wouldnt at least try. I knew these wouldnt be legendary, or even as good as the shitty wings you buy from chain pizza restaurants; so I restriction myself to three.

The oil-infused sauce savor merely faintly of the herb, and stuck nicely to each wing. But I still felt nothing. This is part of the reason why I rarely enjoy edibles: Where smoking cannabis or taking dabs offers instant gratification, feeing it kicks off a long period of anticipation.

Stoned Level : Mostly just full.


9: 30 PM: The Main Event

Still not feeling much, though determined to eat a dinner composed entirely of edibles, I removed my personal-sized Stoned Oven OG Pepperoni Pizzainfused with 250 mg of THCfrom the oven and cut it into four slices.

The cheese was bubbly, the crust golden brown: This looked like your median frozen pizza. I applaud its makers on presentation and assembly. This thing could be sold on grocery store shelves if it wasnt loaded with bud. And it wasnt bad.

In todays ubiquitous pizza terrainwhere it comes on bagels that can be eaten anytime, and also as chips andfrom Subway-Id rank this particular pizza somewhere between a delivery chain and the stuff that was served in my high school cafeteria.

It was edible. And also, an edible. Which reminds me: About halfway through my second slice, I began to notice it. Just a creeping buzz at first , nothing too intense. There can be little doubt in my intellect that this pizza was giving me the feels.

Stoned Level: Would be down to watch any and all episodes of Discovery Channels Planet Earth .


10: 30 PM-1 1 PM: Dessert and After Glow

After finishing the pizza in its entirety, I put on some music and washed my dishes. I was definitely feeling groovy, but I wouldnt necessarily say I was high just yet.

I knew the edibles were taking consequence, but I began experiencing more of a stomach ache from the greasy pepperoni and salty Weetos than any kind of enjoyable buzz.

I touched up the photos that accompany these words and powered through the final course: A 50 mg THC brownie bite. Cute, sweet, delicious, and again: kissed by cannabis.

Stoned Level : Sophomore year of high school, shitty weed, beneath the bleachers with your buddies.


Up until this point in the dayin the name of scienceI hadnt yet smoked any flower cannabis. I wanted to be completely sober when the effects took hold so I would actually notice them.

Now, a few hours in, I presumed the worst was over, chalked it up as another case of unpredictable edibles merely taking me to second base, trench my scientific technique, and triggered up a bowl.

Stoned Level:

I woke up the following morning to a notification on my computer screen from Hulu, asking If Id like to continue watching Adult Swims Metalocalypse .

I dont remember turning it on. I havent overslept, in fact, Im up earlier than usual. And I dont feel hazy or stoned, just tired. My stomach is no longer in knots: I attained it out alive.

I’m still not the biggest fan of edibles. As I scan my room and take in the day, I insure the half eaten bag of Weetos open and exposed on my desk.

I dont think Ill be pitching any tales involving edibles in the near future and, for the most part, I likely wont eat any. But I cant pretend that my aura wasnt purple as hell the entire time I was asleep.

Whatever that means . . .. Am I still feeling it? Are those new shoes? Are we still in LA?

This post was originally posted on TheKindLand.com

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