‘Are You The One: Second Chances’ Recap: If You Can’t Handle Alicia At Her Worst, Just Leave TBH

0
982

Another Thursday, another recapa show I will begrudgingly admit I am into. If youll recall, last week Hayden solidified himself as Fuckboy of the Year, which is saying a hell of a lot given the makeup of the United States government rn.

Adam: Im not surprised they got eliminated. I think Carolinas as dumb as a squirrel, no disrespect to squirrels.

Way harsh, Tai.

Asaf: YEAAAA BITCHESSSS IM STILL HEREEEEE!!!

Adam is like you guys are so cute, you should kiss each other.

Kaylen: Dont push it, dude.

Asaf: I want to run through fields with Kaylen.

Kaylen: Asaf has the attention span of a goldfish which I worry is going to keep him from giving me attention at all times.

Mike is still trying to convince us that hes the type of guy to smash and dash, which for the record I do still not believe. 

Tori hopes that if she keeps winning challenges Morgan will love her again, sounding like every girl in a romantic comedy. She also keeps interrupting their pillow fights to be like Are we friends again? Like, girl. Stop blowing up your own spot. How many people have pillow fights with non-friends? Just keep it breezy.

THE MISSION

Using a map and their eyes, they have tocross a semi-busy road.

JK, but basically. Ok actually no. They have to swim through mud, get a bunch of bicycle parts, BUILD A FUCKING BICYCLE, then ride it to the finish line. Finally, a challenge someone with an elementary school education couldnt do in their sleep.

Tori is KICKING MORGANS ASS. YAS QUEEN. FEMINISM. Tori is low-key my strong female role model.

Devin is actually encouraging Rashida which Im honestly very surprised to see. What was it he called Kiki again? Oh yeah… a puppet

Adam: Essentially Shanley is just amazing and Im only OK but when I join forces with her Im amazing too.

All guys in the friend zone, take note. Saying Nicholas Sparks shit like this is only gonna put you deeper in the friend zone.

Mikala says Im gonna need to pace myself the whole time aka Im gonna drag my ass.

Asaf is going through this obstacle course like Do you think Kylie Jenner and Amber Rose did all this? No they didnt and youre so much more beautiful than them. I think I speak for all of us when I say: huh?

Tori and Morgan are literally IN A RACE TO THE FINISH and Toris yelling at Morgan to slow down. Like bitch, what? IT’S A RACE. Race means go fast.

Devin and Rashida come in first and Devin voms.

Tori and Morgan get second. Cam and Mikala get third.

Adam and Shanley dont place and all of a sudden theyre like yeah [the other person] sucks, IDK why were a match. Visual depiction:

Shanley is like these challenges arent helping us get closer, were just working together aka when your roommate thinks youre besties and then overhears you tell your friend yeah were not friends or anything but we live together well. 

And despite Mike and Alicia bitching at each other the entire challenge, Asaf and Kaylen come in last with Asaf yelling, Everything is possibleeee!!! Jesus Christ. I tried, guys.

Kaylen: He pisses me off with his goofy shit and Im a bad-ass bitch.

^This is legit me.

Asaf: Shut the fuck up, bitch.

I audibly gasped. Asaf, you’re better than that!

Kaylens like I felt like I was gonna fall off the bike.

Asaf: Did you fall? Did you fall tho? You fall? Did you? Did you fall?

Kaylen: Karamo back me up here.

Karamo:

Kaylen is gonna act like Asaf cracking a few jokes is making them lose challenges but come the fuck on, have you seen Asafs body? Aint no way hes the reason yall are coming in last in 10K races. If Kaylen doesnt want Asaf as her match, Ill take him. Just saying. @Karamo

K why am I supposed to care about Rashida having a sex dream about Devin? This is , not . Leave me out of this shit. Please stop, MTV. This has got to be the thirstiest maneuver Ive ever seen.

Shanley is like “Do you love Devin?” OBVIOUSLY. Rashida has loved Devin since she set eyes on him like, two years ago. I know it. You know it. Devin probably knows it.

Alicia’s in a bad mood and mad at Mike. What else is new. Alicia is like “I’m sick of telling him how to talk to me. How to deal with me.” Newsflash, bitch: If this guy needs to develop a special language and pattern of behavior to converse and “deal” with you, you are the problem. All he should need to do is talk to/deal with you like a respectful adult; you should not have to come with your own communication handbook. Like, what are the odds that Alicia’s cover photo on Facebook is “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”? Let’s take bets in the comments section. Alternatively, you can tweet @betchesluvthis. 

Devin is trying to convince Morgan to go in and steal the money from Tori. DON’T DO IT, MORGAN. You and Tori are too cute! They’re idiots, though. They should obviously vote in Mike and Alicia because they are on thin fucking ice.

Devin creeps around the corner and is like “Take the steal, Morgan!” and Tori is like “If we get voted in tomorrow, there’s gonna be a double steal.” Tori asks Morgan if she can really trust him which is a litttleeeeee hypocritical. Morgan is also like “Tori is very emotional rn” which is Class A gaslighting. Like, you just told her you’d probs steal and you’re gonna say she’s being overly emotional for thinking you’re gonna steal?? Morgan is basically like “I’m not saying I’m gonna steal, but I’m not not saying I’m gonna steal” and then is like “Why don’t you trust me??” Men: in a nutshell.

THE CHOICE

Kaylen is like “I’m learning to be more patient and compassionate in this competition which I’ve never had to do in my life before.” Some of the girls they pick for this show, man…

Alicia is like “ugh I guess I like Mike a little bit” aka what every girl who’s friend zoning a guy for free meals says when he starts to get fed up with being her meal ticket.

Devin: The dinosaurs went extinct because years ago before we were reincarnated into our true selves, Rashida and I had sex and the world just exploded.

Me:

Karamo: Y’all are fucking weird. Welcome to the choice.

And the couple going in is… Morgan and Tori. Damn is Devin the puppet master of this game or what?

THE SPEECHES

Tori: Whatever you decide to do is fine but I’m never gonna hit steal, ever.

Strong words from the girl who JUST SAID there’s gonna be a double steal.

Morgan: I like, 98% believe you on that. You dated my roommate and you lied to me about it so like IDK dude.

Honestly I think Morgan talks a big game but deep down he’s just a big softie. Let’s see if I’m right.

Tori chooses…. Share. 

Morgan chooses… Share!!! I knew it! I actually just got the warm and fuzzies tbh.

Unfortunately that means Asaf and Kaylen are going home with nothing. I for one will miss Asaf’s butchered idioms. Asaf is like “Nooooo I don’t wanna leave!!!!” and I bet they had to get two camera guys to literally drag him out of that house. Never change, Asaf.

Read more: www.betches.com

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here