6 Movie Plots Solved In Minutes With Common Sense

0
464

Starbucks Has A New Drink, But No One Understands WTF It Is

The whole fun of movies is that these characters’ problems are not like our own. Where our biggest escapades involve trying to chase a cat out from under the bed with a broomstick, these people are running from robot detonations or cross-examining flamboyant serial killers. But lots of times, a little closer look at a movie plot reveals that they were constructing things route harder on themselves than necessary.

# 6. X-Men: Days Of Future Past – Xavier Forgot He Controls Minds

Days Of Future Past was the second delicate reboot of the X-Men franchise. In it, Charles Xavier sends Wolverine back in time to stop Mystique from assassinating Bolivar Trask and prevent a human-mutant war that fees the future. Xavier has a gentleman’s agreement not to use his mental powers against Mystique, so this involves a lot more dialogue and espionage than you’d expect from a human who can control minds.

“We double pinkie swear. That entails something.”

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

Let’s go along with the vanity that Xavier won’t enter Mystique’s mind and force her to step down. None of us are telepathic mutants and we can never fully understand their routes and customs. But … couldn’t he ignore Mystique and just go into the mind of Trask himself, then incept away all his mutant genocide guess?

You’re already in the comments typing this, but the plot tries to account for it by starting the movie with Xavier’s powers being transgressed. Except they don’t bide that route for long. A few minutes after, you know, trying , he’s mind-controlling people like crazy. He could have gone right up to Trask, shake his hand, and built him dedicate his life to, say, transgressing the dildo-sitting world record. And to make it harder, he could have scanned the world for the man with the most flexible colon and planted it in his intellect as well. It wouldn’t have to be exactly that, we guess. The point is he required something else to do with his life.

“Just keep an open intellect on this dildo idea; he already has the mustache for it.”

It’s a movie about saving the world from abhor, and they give the main character the one specific superpower that can do that directly. He works hard to make it complicated, but Professor X could do any number of clearly harmless, plainly beneficial things. In fact, once Xavier found out he was going to lose his hair, he could have planted an idea in some Tv producer’s brain to remake Star Trek , merely with a bald Kirk so women in the future would find hairless humen sexy. It voices ridiculou- wait … dear God … are we, right now, living in the Days Of Future Past world?

# 5. Iron Man – The Forgetful Reporter

Billionaire weapons trader Tony Stark is kidnapped by a terrorist organization called the “Ten Rings” but manages to survive by fixing the hole in his chest with 1,200 pounds of laser-blasting armor. Late in the movie, Stark discovers his business partner Obadiah Stane masterminded the kidnapping and was secretly furnishing weapons to the terrorists. He is shocked! Horrified! And like all things will, this eventually led to a robot suit battle.

It’s the comic book equivalent of slapping person with a glove .

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

Halfway through the movie, a female reporter presented Stark some pictures of Stark Industry weapons being used by the Ten Rings in Afghanistan. When Stark denied his involvement, she retorts by disclosing that the weapon’s shipment was officially authorized by Stark Industry :~ ATAGEND

So with this huge intel, all the reporter had to do was something she almost certainly had in intellect all along: report it. She had a pile of information and a quote from Stark himself, surprised by it and not denying it. Stark Industry would have been immediately under investigation by every agency and news outlet. MSNBC’s entire news cycle would be devoted to reading evil Stark documents and interviewing evil Stark employees. However, FOX News’ editorial direction wouldn’t change as they continued to demand, “Why the media can’t just leave evil billionaires alone? “

It wouldn’t take much effort to uncover the plot. Stane’s evil schemes were right there on his computer, and there had to have been dozens of inept, bumbling employees working on his very suspicious personal projects. Plus, with Stark being kidnapped and tortured, that would attain Stane the acting CEO and lead suspect before the first inspector arrived at one of their demise warehouses.

“I deleted the files! You’ll never catch me now! “
“You know we back up everybody’s files every week in case someone’s hard drive
accidents, right? Fairly much every major company does.”

But … nothing like this ever passes. The journalist depicts Stark the pictures and then never bothers to publicize them or even report them to her boss. Is it because Stark slept with her early in the movie, and she is still pining for him? It’d be like a reporter finding out Donald Trump’s business partners had ties to ISIS, then just falling it in hopes Trump would hurl her some dick.

“Actually, this story is going to seem like small potatoes the moment the world procures out Odin is the one true God.”

# 4. Transformers – The Decepticons Could’ve Gotten The AllSpark With Their Tiny Spybots

The Decepticons are searching for the AllSpark, a mysterious McGuffin that can turn ordinary objects into transformer objects. The AllSpark is on Earth, and the map to it is etched on a pair of glasses owned by Sam Witwicky’s great-grandfather. In a route, it’s genius — with a map right on your glasses, you can drive to your space artifacts without “ve had to” do any folding or refolding.

The Decepticons initially deployed a stealthy spy robot, “Frenzy, ” inside Air Force One, where its space Internet sensors discovered Witwicky was selling the glasses on eBay. It then hacked eBay to detect Witwicky’s location. Knowing by now everyone watching the movie would be beyond reason, the very next scene has poor Witwicky and his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes, operating from vague, robot-like avalanches of metal shapes.

“Prompt pay and good communication, but purchaser presented up at my house and attempted to assassination me. Three stars.”

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

The glasses were on eBay. Couldn’t the Decepticons just, you know, buy them? Like, couldn’t that space hacker Frenzy just put in a bid? It shouldn’t be that hard for a bunch of super advanced space robots to set the cash together, or fool PayPal into thinking they had.

And if coming up with the money was too difficult, the Decepticons still knew the address to Witwicky’s house. They could have sent the same tiny robot in infiltrate his home security, which was probably easier to circumvent than Air Force One’s. It could’ve stolen both the glasses and the AllSpark over the weekend without the governmental forces or the Autobots knowing anything about it. It’s merely through severe idiocy by every robot and filmmaker involved that this was anything other than, at the worst, an online auction or at best, a roboburglary.

“I have this gag for the script … you know how profile images are like DMV photos?
Ha ha ha! You know … ha ha, you can’t take another one if it’s bad !!! ”

Instead, the Decepticons deployed swarming pilings of pots and pans to attack Witwicky. In military terms, “its like” proclaiming war on Mexico in order to pick up a chalupa combo. The scheme was so bad, it alerted both the Autobots and all the governments on Earth who managed to defeat the Decepticons use merely 144 minutes of explosions.

The whole fun of movies is that these characters’ problems are not like our own. Where our biggest escapades involve trying to chase a cat out from under the bed with a broomstick, these people are running from robot detonations or cross-examining flamboyant serial killers. But lots of times, a little closer look at a movie plot reveals that they were constructing things route harder on themselves than necessary.

# 6. X-Men: Days Of Future Past – Xavier Forgot He Controls Minds

“We double pinkie swear. That entails something.”

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

Let’s go along with the vanity that Xavier won’t enter Mystique’s mind and force her to step down. None of us are telepathic mutants and we can never fully understand their routes and customs. But … couldn’t he ignore Mystique and just go into the mind of Trask himself, then incept away all his mutant genocide guess?

You’re already in the comments typing this, but the plot tries to account for it by starting the movie with Xavier’s powers being transgressed. Except they don’t bide that route for long. A few minutes after, you know, trying , he’s mind-controlling people like crazy. He could have gone right up to Trask, shake his hand, and built him dedicate his life to, say, transgressing the dildo-sitting world record. And to make it harder, he could have scanned the world for the man with the most flexible colon and planted it in his intellect as well. It wouldn’t have to be exactly that, we guess. The point is he required something else to do with his life.

“Just keep an open intellect on this dildo idea; he already has the mustache for it.”

It’s a movie about saving the world from abhor, and they give the main character the one specific superpower that can do that directly. He works hard to make it complicated, but Professor X could do any number of clearly harmless, plainly beneficial things. In fact, once Xavier found out he was going to lose his hair, he could have planted an idea in some Tv producer’s brain to remake Star Trek , merely with a bald Kirk so women in the future would find hairless humen sexy. It voices ridiculou- wait … dear God … are we, right now, living in the Days Of Future Past world?

# 5. Iron Man – The Forgetful Reporter

Billionaire weapons trader Tony Stark is kidnapped by a terrorist organization called the “Ten Rings” but manages to survive by fixing the hole in his chest with 1,200 pounds of laser-blasting armor. Late in the movie, Stark discovers his business partner Obadiah Stane masterminded the kidnapping and was secretly furnishing weapons to the terrorists. He is shocked! Horrified! And like all things will, this eventually led to a robot suit battle.

It’s the comic book equivalent of slapping person with a glove .

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

Halfway through the movie, a female reporter presented Stark some pictures of Stark Industry weapons being used by the Ten Rings in Afghanistan. When Stark denied his involvement, she retorts by disclosing that the weapon’s shipment was officially authorized by Stark Industry :~ ATAGEND

So with this huge intel, all the reporter had to do was something she almost certainly had in intellect all along: report it. She had a pile of information and a quote from Stark himself, surprised by it and not denying it. Stark Industry would have been immediately under investigation by every agency and news outlet. MSNBC’s entire news cycle would be devoted to reading evil Stark documents and interviewing evil Stark employees. However, FOX News’ editorial direction wouldn’t change as they continued to demand, “Why the media can’t just leave evil billionaires alone? “

It wouldn’t take much effort to uncover the plot. Stane’s evil schemes were right there on his computer, and there had to have been dozens of inept, bumbling employees working on his very suspicious personal projects. Plus, with Stark being kidnapped and tortured, that would attain Stane the acting CEO and lead suspect before the first inspector arrived at one of their demise warehouses.

“I deleted the files! You’ll never catch me now! “
“You know we back up everybody’s files every week in case someone’s hard drive
accidents, right? Fairly much every major company does.”

But … nothing like this ever passes. The journalist depicts Stark the pictures and then never bothers to publicize them or even report them to her boss. Is it because Stark slept with her early in the movie, and she is still pining for him? It’d be like a reporter finding out Donald Trump’s business partners had ties to ISIS, then just falling it in hopes Trump would hurl her some dick.

“Actually, this story is going to seem like small potatoes the moment the world procures out Odin is the one true God.”

# 4. Transformers – The Decepticons Could’ve Gotten The AllSpark With Their Tiny Spybots

The Decepticons are searching for the AllSpark, a mysterious McGuffin that can turn ordinary objects into transformer objects. The AllSpark is on Earth, and the map to it is etched on a pair of glasses owned by Sam Witwicky’s great-grandfather. In a route, it’s genius — with a map right on your glasses, you can drive to your space artifacts without “ve had to” do any folding or refolding.

The Decepticons initially deployed a stealthy spy robot, “Frenzy, ” inside Air Force One, where its space Internet sensors discovered Witwicky was selling the glasses on eBay. It then hacked eBay to detect Witwicky’s location. Knowing by now everyone watching the movie would be beyond reason, the very next scene has poor Witwicky and his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes, operating from vague, robot-like avalanches of metal shapes.

“Prompt pay and good communication, but purchaser presented up at my house and attempted to assassination me. Three stars.”

What Would Have Attained More Sense:

The glasses were on eBay. Couldn’t the Decepticons just, you know, buy them? Like, couldn’t that space hacker Frenzy just put in a bid? It shouldn’t be that hard for a bunch of super advanced space robots to set the cash together, or fool PayPal into thinking they had.

And if coming up with the money was too difficult, the Decepticons still knew the address to Witwicky’s house. They could have sent the same tiny robot in infiltrate his home security, which was probably easier to circumvent than Air Force One’s. It could’ve stolen both the glasses and the AllSpark over the weekend without the governmental forces or the Autobots knowing anything about it. It’s merely through severe idiocy by every robot and filmmaker involved that this was anything other than, at the worst, an online auction or at best, a roboburglary.

“I have this gag for the script … you know how profile images are like DMV photos?
Ha ha ha! You know … ha ha, you can’t take another one if it’s bad !!! ”

Instead, the Decepticons deployed swarming pilings of pots and pans to attack Witwicky. In military terms, “its like” proclaiming war on Mexico in order to pick up a chalupa combo. The scheme was so bad, it alerted both the Autobots and all the governments on Earth who managed to defeat the Decepticons use merely 144 minutes of explosions.

Read more: feedproxy.google.com

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here