We all think we’re the laziest of the lazy, right? Because to you, what you do seems horrendously lazy. After you read some of these stories from particularly lazy Reddit people, you will probably realise your life choices have actually been relatively smart.
That, or you’ll realise you’re worse than these guys and are incredibly, incredibly lazy.
1. Drove to class. Escalators up to third floor classroom were broken. Went home.
2. Shot ~10 nerf darts at my light switch, from bed. Missed all of them and slept with the lights on.
3. Spent a half hour searching for a torrent to download a textbook that I had left in another room.
4. I once hooked up with a guy on Grindr and made him go past the grocery store to get me some milk on the way to my place. I didn’t even really feel like sex. But I sure did feel like cereal.
5. I had BBQ sauce on my cheek at a restaurant. Rather than get up to grab a napkin, I used a piece of bread to wipe it off and then ate it. That’s also the fattest thing I’ve done.
6. Fell asleep wearing full makeup, woke up, wore the same makeup the next day.
7. Used to have one of those ‘clap on, clap off’ lights in my room. I hated clapping so I just made an audio recording of me clapping and mapped it to one of the programmable keys on my keyboard.
8. I have a dog and a cat, and I HATE sleeping with the door open. Sometimes dog wants to sleep in the bedroom, sometimes dog wants to sleep outside the bedroom. But he never decides until I’m comfy in bed.
Solution? Keep a laser pointer on my nightstand. Once dog decides where he’s sleeping, I’ll shine the laser pointer on the door so that my cat paws it closed. It has now become a routine that my cat will wait by the door for the laser before laying down.
9.I was laying in bed with the light on and wanted to go to sleep with it off. i called my house from my cell phone and asked for myself in a disguised voice. when my mom came in to bring me the phone i asked her to turn the light out when she left. hung up both phones and went to sleep.
10. I didn’t want to get up to get scissors to open a package I had, so I grabbed the cat and used his claws. It was soft plastic and the cat was indifferent.
11. called the restaurant to send the waiter back to my table
12. I was in a class called OJT (on-the-job training) in high-school. Everyday the last 25% of school was dedicated to me being able to leave class to go to “work”. We were given grades by our employers which would then turn into grades for the class.
As a high-school senior I convinced the teacher that oversaw this program that because I had my own corporation that I used to sell stuff on ebay I should be able to be my own boss. She agreed.
I failed that class because I didn’t bother to fill-out the paperwork to give myself a grade.
13. I’ve been sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes cause I don’t want to pull my pants up.
14. I only needed to wipe one more time and was out of tp… I used the brown roll from the inside.
15. Last but definitely not least:
I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch.
But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says “heeeey. It’s OPS. Could you… shift our barpat… yeah, one six five. Thanks.” And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting. And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie’s face and onto the wall behind him.
After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I’ve just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship’s back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he’s changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face.
He’s literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe. He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he’s not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.
Well. Don’t you suddenly feel very motivated and well adjusted? No? Just us?